do you ever

Do you ever feel like you can see into the past? I feel this when I stand under the ancient banyan tree in the center of Auroville. It is a forest in and of itself, this tree. And looking out through its many trunks, I fancy that I can see this flat land as it used to look, a desert of red dust for miles and miles. Only the tree stood here then. The contrast between this vision and the jungle that now surrounds the banyan tree for miles and miles is startling. I can feel all the hours and days and people and work it took to make this place. And it humbles me.

Do you ever feel like the earth is alive even more vividly than you are? I look at the ground here and it is in constant motion. Ants of all sizes and colors, three distinct kinds of centipede, four types of scorpion, crickets, grasshoppers, frogs, geckos, and the wind in the scrubby grass. I look at the air, and it too is alive. More varieties of butterfly than I can count, flies, mosquitoes, brightly coloured birds, and the energy of the red dust dancing in the sunlight. It makes the ground and the air of home seem sterilized and dead. There is wisdom in the earth here.

Do you ever wake up and not know where you are? I seem to do it all of the time now. Not just from sleep, but from waking life. I will suddenly come to the profound realization that I am not at home, but rather in India. So profound will that fact seem to me that I will feel the need to tell someone. I am learning to accept the incredulous reactions of others that inevitably result from such an exchange.

Do you ever have flashes of consciousness? Where you realize that the moment you are experiencing is happening right now? This seems to happen to me more frequently lately. Tonight I climbed the water tower where the monsoon rainwater is stored through the dry season to watch the sunset, and the whole sky turned to water and fire. It occurred to me that I was alive, and more importantly it occurred to me that I was living.